Dying Is Terribly Boring Business
by BrakishKitty
Summary: Jack Muses Over His Death. [First Pirates Fic, Kinda Boring, But O Well]


Being dead, is in short, terribly _boring_ business.

Of course dying isn't, it's quite painful actually, or it depends on how you go with whether or not if it's painful. For example, beingshot through the chest is painful, sometimes they hit to miss and the bullettears something up in your body to only have you bleed slowly, and painfully to death. Then again, a bullet to the head is faster because if you do it right, your only alive for five seconds after the metallic ball enters your head and rips through your brain. You remember almost nothing except for the sound of the fire arrm and a short pain, and then, nothing.

Then there's a hanging, either you can have your neck broken, die quickly, or if you drank your milk when you werelittle and built up strong bones like a good little boy/girl, you'll have to endure your circulation being cut off, lack of air. Its not so much as being painful, but a strong sense of discomfort for quite a few minutes.

Being stabbed through the stomach or chest is another fairly brutal way of dying. It's almost similar to being shot, if they miss anything that may just cause your leaving earth any less vital, you may just end up bleeding to death, but if you somehow manag to escape that, you always have the chance of catching a fun little infection that will prolonge your uncomfortable stay on earth until it eats away at your flesh and insides until you do decide to die.

And then there's always the possibility that you can catch the flu, food poisoning, pneumonia, etc.

Or in a freak accident, falling rocks, sinking ships, a fire, drowning, or, if your ever so lucky, you might just be able to die of old age, now there's something to look forward to.

But I've learned this only so _recently_.

Lucky for me, I haven't had to endure any of these things, and I won't because I am already dead, unlucky that part. I'd have to say, it was one of the more exciting ways to go though, eaten up by a huge monster. Painful, but only for so long until I wasentirely dismembered, strange how a monster that size with that many teeth doesn't just gobble up any ol' thing without not chewing it completely, he likes to make sure nothing will get lodged into its throat, except for my cutlass of course, but then again, that damned Kracken could be using it for a toothpick for all i know about right now. Can't say I need it now seeing how my body is digesting deep within some monsters belly along with pieces of the 'Pearl'.

I envy those who get to die a lot more cleanly then I did, at least there's a body to bury and a marker to remember their name with. Then again, I may have not wanted to be buried six-feet underneath the hard earth with a wooden cross staked into the ground that would read my name, 'Jack Sparrow'. Oh sure it might be nice, but who would really come to put flowers next to the marker or remember my name? And what if I wanted to be buried where I was brought up? No one, of course would know that, especially my middle name, if I had one, but who would know that either because I've never told anyone how to prepare a funeral for myself, only because you don't think your ever going to die the way you did or have already no matter how young or old you are, unless of course you are terminally ill or getting along in your years, you prepare for a thing like that, but then again, maybe a Pirate should y'know? It's dangerous buisness dealing with pirates and other things for that matter.

There is also mention of seeing your whole life flash before your eyes right before you die.

S'not true, but only on my account. The only thing that flashed beforemy eyes was the gigantic razor sharp teeth of the Kracken, oh, and Elizabeth's face after she had fastened the handcuffs around my wrist. She was almost completely emotionless, she could make a good pirate if she tried, or a sociopathic killer, if she tried.

Lovely though, innit?

Will had better watch his back and his mouth around that lass.


End file.
